Moving On...

I spent a good part of yesterday and last night crying.
It was all too much to take in one day, and yet you are expected to move on as if the news was so yesterday! "Business as usual." That's Corporate America for you.
Part of me is relieved that I am safe, my job is safe, and that I am still asked to come to work the next day.
But part of me feels guilty to be able to breathe a sigh of relief when people that have been here way longer than I have have been let go.
We are supposed to be pacified with the idea that "you are here because we know you are fit for the job."
But weren't they also fit for the job just days ago?

I am very much affected that our director was let go.
She is a friend of a mutual friend - which makes things a little bit more personal than just a boss/employee relationship.
She actually wanted to hire me in her old company a couple of years ago.
An opportunity I turned down because I was comfortable where I was.
But when opportunity knocked (or in this case, when LY emailed me after finding my resume online) again, I was so glad that I jumped on board and had the chance to work with her.
In such a short period of time, I considered her to be a mentor.
And to see her go is very hard.
She left a message on my voicemail the night she was laid off.
She was apologetic that she wasn't able to say goodbye.
She was confident that I will do good.
Her voice was cracking - I could tell.
The message is saved in my Inbox. I don't have the heart to delete it.
I spoke with our mutual friend LCM, who incidentally was my ex-boss.
I told LCM to express my love and thanks to LY and that I had a really wonderful time working with and for her.
Hopefully with LCM as our conduit, I haven't seen the last of her.

Today is another day.
It's just as hard to come in today as it was yesterday.
It was hard to be in the store this morning for our set meeting, to see two bodies (LY and LD, my direct colleague) missing.
I'm sure it gets easier.
And I'm not the only one in my Pity Party.
I just wished it wasn't this hard.